Last night as I sat and rocked little B to sleep I closed my eyes and talked with God. I thanked Him for this precious time I’m able to have at home during my maternity leave and for the sweet, quiet moments Geoff and I have together. Some moms aren’t able to have the luxury of staying home this long with their newborns, and quiet moments with G, well they don’t happen that often either.
With this week being infamous for a time of giving thanks for what we have I was struck with the truth behind this post. Just a few days ago my mind wasn’t filled with thanks but of overwhelming under-stimulation and jealousy. Two not-so-thankful thoughts or proud moments for me. I began to envy the time I once had, to freely run an errand, hit the gym, eat a meal on my schedule, and even the chance go to work! And then, I felt guilty for even desiring my ‘old time’ because the reason my time was now taken away was due to this incredibly beautiful tiny human God had given me. That may sound incredibly selfish of me to even yearn for those times back, but the truth is those little things, along with many more, make up parts of me that make me feel whole. I’m not just a mom, a wife, a daughter, a coworker, or creative thinker…I’m all of those things created by God and made whole through Him.
God chose me, of all the deserving women in this world, to be Brooks’ mother. My heart skips a beat just thinking about it. Once I stopped thinking about my ‘then’ and was present in my new ‘now’ I was able to see a little clearer. Prayer has always been a sacred time for me. A time when I find myself again in God’s love and clarity. It’s my time to check back in with my Heavenly Father and escape the pressures, schedules, and expectations the world brings and focuses back on what God brings…His love.
I see it all around me everyday, especially in the eyes of little B. When he smiles back up at me it melts the small corner in my heart God reserved just for him. It’s our very own little special place that no one person or thing can take from us.
So in honor the week of giving thanks, I thank God for prayer…and that tiny special corner in my heart, made just for my little Bear.
Thanks for reading and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
Lemons to Love,